Reflections No.004 — Not Everything Needs an Answer
I used to think I was quite good at self-reflection. I paid attention to my emotions and tried to understand where they came from and why certain things affected me the way they did. I believed that the better I understood myself, the better I could understand and empathize with others.
But over time, I came to realize something important. just because I feel something deeply doesn't mean every thought that grows from that feeling is true.
When something felt uncertain, especially in a relationship, I would replay someone's words, actions, and expressions, trying to understand what they might have meant. Then the what ifs would begin, filling the spaces I couldn't actually know. I would connect everything I had learned about the person and build an explanation that seemed perfectly reasonable. Sometimes, my assumptions were surprisingly accurate.
But looking back, there were also times when one of the many stories I had created simply happened to be right. And even when I was right, searching endlessly for answers to something beyond my control did not really change the situation. Perhaps I was trying to ease the discomfort of not knowing. When thoughts begin piling on top of emotions, even a small uncertainty can grow into an entire story. Sometimes, the mind can create a whole movie from very little information.
I don't think I am alone in this. Somewhere along the way, I began to stop searching for answers to things outside of my control. When I notice my thoughts getting louder and my emotions beginning to rise, I put on my shoes and go outside. And I walk. I walk until my body begins to settle. Before trying to solve anything, I move. With each step, the intensity softens and my thoughts become a little quieter. When I stop holding so tightly to everything happening in my mind, I begin to feel lighter.
Once I feel more settled, I return to the situation—not to find an immediate answer, but to see it more clearly. I ask myself.What do I actually know? What am I assuming? What am I feeling right now? What is mine to carry, and what is not?
I don't deny what I feel, but I no longer treat every thought as a fact. That creates a little space between what actually happened and the meaning I give it. A little space between emotion and response. When something happens in a relationship, I can make an effort to understand the other person without taking responsibility for what I cannot control. Then I return to what is mine. my choices, my actions, my boundaries, and the way I care for myself.
Perhaps one of the most important things self-reflection has taught me is how to let the unknown remain unknown. I don't have to fill every silence with an explanation. I don't have to answer every what if. I don't have to solve everything today. Some answers arrive with time, and some things become clearer when I stop trying so hard to make sense of them.
It is okay not to know yet.
For me, self-reflection is no longer about finding an answer to everything. It is about seeing myself, my emotions, and the situation in front of me with a little more clarity. I can honor what I feel without believing every thought that appears. I can care for someone without carrying what isn't mine. And I can leave what I don't need to know today for time to reveal.
Perhaps peace doesn't always come from finding the answer.
Sometimes, it comes from realizing that I don't need to know it yet.
